spirit

the truth hides in plain sight

audio:

-

most of my life i’ve been honest
i think.

i’ve told the truth about my feelings
and rarely searched to confound
or keep secret
the reality of it all.

for the first time in a while though
i find myself running away.

by refusing to acknowledge this shift
i don’t have to deal with it.

ignorance is bliss, right?
nah
ignorance is avoidance.

the longer i pretend i am not deeply confused
the longer i wait to abate my insecurities
not at least come to terms with them
the longer i avoid the tough questions
the longer i stay ignorant
the longer i stay asleep.

-

i’ve spent the better portion of this summer
flitting from one thing to the next.

canada to recovery
seattle to sickness
san francisco to los angeles.

how have i managed to compile
a month’s worth of memories
without asking a single question!

well let’s not dwell on what has passed.

presently
i don’t know what to ask
nor can i put my finger
on what i’m searching for 

-

the gift of a golden age
begins with luxury

and

continues
with indifference.

i mean
i guess i ought to figure out
how i’m going to make money
soon.

but how do i find out
where my value most truly lies
when
within my microcosm
i am the sole proprietor of my mania
the sole provider of perplexity
and the arbiter of true and false.

how do i connect with
the universe in silo from it
how do i help people
when i can’t even relate to myself?

-

i can't solve all my problems
by running longer distances.

-

so i lay my spirit bare
and ask you a single question

why?

because the closer i get to the answer
the further i get from the truth.

so i’ll continue to spout phrases
that del ay the decision
and cling to words and phrases
that keep me anchored in the world.

-

did i enjoy writing this
because it meant something?

or do i just think confusing people
and typing in lowercase
makes me cool?

-

tldr;
there’s been a lot of context switching in my life
and it has left me stretched out quite thinly.

training for my first 50k has left me exhausted
and time is moving way too quickly
for me to have space to ask guiding questions.

so i dive deeper into my messy room
and read more and more fantasy
until the present
becomes the promised land they told me it was.

but trust me
there is no “them”
there is only you and me
and our story.

-

my debut book of poetry
”what’s real.”
will come out
sometime mid august.

if you’re in the bay area
let me know if you’d like an invite
to the release party.

appreciate you all
hope you’ve been well :)