mute

silently screaming

i lost my voice yesterday
not in the standard way
over the course of three hours
my throat literally stopped working

it hurt to swallow
it sucked to speak
but i had to listen

woe is me!

there’s no audio version for this one
go figure

starting tomorrow
i’m headed offline for the next few month
to a retreat at esalen
where i’ll serve and study
in the foothills of big sur
with 15 random others

it’s a lot of talking

but how poetic is this!

my voice is my lifeline

i’ve relied so heavily
on my voice
to make up for my insecurities
and help me appear put together
even in days when the silence
might give it away

this time
i can’t speak my troubles away
i can’t silence my strife
this isn’t to say i’m struggling
let’s be honest
it’s a lot worse than that

these past 24 hours
have been devastating
so how does this feel?

no words could describe it
get it!

because i cAn’T SAy ANYthING

how beautiful is it?
that the day before the adventure
which i’d hoped
would redeem my experience
at a silence retreat this prior summer

the world wants me to shut up!

if this is a cosmic sign
then you best believe

I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS!

as of the time this post is published
i am on day number three
of my time at esalen

i hope i’m speaking loudly
if not
there is a higher power

and it’s been watching me very carefully

see you in a month :)