mammoth

a lifetime, revisited

it’s day four and
as i’m hugged by this couch
i can’t help but be reminded
why i decided to return to this place

to be alone is rarely a privilege
generally it is scoffed at
and ran away from
but i wanted to do the opposite
in the hope of discovering
a deeper connection within

and i seem to have managed to do so
at least its difficult not to
when your friend forgets to send you the wifi password
thank goodness

what tickled me on the first day
was how uncomfortable i was by myself
but as day two rolled around
i found myself constantly elated
enormously exuberant
and jubilantly joyous
creating adjectives for adjectives

what changed?

i’d spent yesterday and today
in the same exact place
i hung out with no one but me
so i ask again

what changed?

nothing

nothing except
returning to the seat of awareness
in the conscious kingdom
i’d always had access to

because once i was
aware of the noise inside
it couldn’t get louder
and drown out the peace

it had never left me
it laid there
dormant
waiting

until

as i roamed around my stable
discovering the walls enclosing me
learning to hurdle
with every jump
reborn
activated
alive
as if it was the first time

until

silenced by the silence
hopping into hot springs
running at max heart rate
dancing on top of the car
strumming a tune
belting a melody
as the sun set in the most beautiful town in the galaxy

until i was set free

you can probably guess how reticent i am
to leave my newfound openness
of heart and energy
of unlimited potential
captive in a seasonal getaway

but if i left myself in mammoth
i would have missed out on
the lesson of all lessons
mother nature’s most guarded secret

the mountains didn’t do this to me
i did

there needn’t be a specific place
space
or condition needed to unlock oneself
to be intoxicated by the nature of existence
with every passing breath
aside from elevation poisoning
and revel in the awareness
gifted to us by chance
while concurrently
knowing how teeny tiny we are
and how little we have to offer to the mother

the only way to enlarge our impact in tomorrow
is to unclasp our hands
give up control
and open our hearts to love
we are but dents in the universe
at least we get to be dents!

to settle back
into the gift of being
is life’s greatest treasure
waiting to be opened

there is no situation
in which you lose access
to this simple truth

you are
not the bones
not the brain
not the body
not emotion
not reaction
not unable

you. just. are.

and you’ve always been world champion
at being yourself

there is an unlimited
amount of energy
laying dormant inside you
waiting to be activated

you are a gift
open it.