hi

you're probably wondering, where's my ROC (return-on-click)?

I’ve spent a decent amount of time this month flip-flopping between which platform to build my newsletter on, thinking more about the aesthetics than the actual content I would put out there for you.

The answer is: I have no idea.

Well… not exactly.

I have many ideas, so many you’d fall asleep listening to them, but I just don’t know which to go for.

I’ve had this issue for as long as I can remember: an innovative brain, but a horrendous capacity for decision making.

And honestly it’s not that big of a deal. Many people go through the same issues all their lives.

For me in particular, though, this issue has lead to a year long stretch deciding which high school to go to, sympathizing with every side of a decision I’m left to make, and most recently, finding a great personal statement idea, fighting for it’s survival, and then in bursts, coming up with 100s of more ideas that in the moment I just couldn’t fail to consider.

And yes, my verboseness is going to prove an essay when I try and condense my life into 650 words.

But honestly, I don’t know where I’m going with this.

This newsletter began a month ago, with my first promise to myself saying I would publish my summer plans right here for everyone to see and so I could stay accountable.

But that didn’t happen… did it.

Neither did half of my summer plans, as time was siphoned into impulsive bouts of creativity and interest, things that I just couldn’t go the day without.

Things that, it seems, the day couldn’t go without either.

I spent the first half of my summer kicking myself for caving into these impulses, often stopping some of these moments from happening because I knew I had to “follow my schedule.”

I made a mistake, then, trying to put myself in situations I didn’t want to be in.

I made a mistake, then, trying to remove myself from situations that were beyond my control.

And I made a mistake, then, when I didn’t listen to myself.

Now this isn’t meant to be heavy, by any means.

Trust me.

I learnt something valuable this past month, and while I tried to listen and learn from it then, I commit to doing more of it now.

I just wrapped up rereading a book that I had read many years ago, picking it up on a whim, anticipating it with an excitement that reminded me of my childhood.

I could beat the crap out of myself, explaining “Ariv you aren’t a child anymore, there’s a lot you need to get done, so get to it and stop diddly daddling!”

But what would that do?

Nothing.

I surprised myself when writing these last couple lines: “you aren’t a child anymore?” what am I saying?

I think I, and many of my peers, have spent the past couple of years growing. Forgetting what it was like to be 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, and so on.

We’re still kids, regardless of how much we don’t want to be.

We aren’t supposed to have to make the difficult decisions we make each day, throw ourselves into fits when we don’t complete an assignment, or even, think we should.

We’ve gotta relax a bit.

Relax in knowing that we have a long way to go, and it’s only wise if we listen to ourselves on our way up.

So learn what you may from the past million words at this point, but if there’s one thing I can get you to do after this, it’s this:

Do nothing.

Prescribe yourself free time, incorporate it into your day, and follow your heart in that select period of time you allot yourself.

You’ll begin to notice, like I did, how much more is under your mental hood than you might have thought.

You’ll notice you.

Your emotions.

Your feelings.

And your wantings.

Listen to them.

You’ll learn a whole lot more than you would have spending an hour getting that next check of success.

Trust me.